On December 9th, in an unexpected turn for traditional finance, the price of Bitcoin regained the $94,000 mark, wiping out more than three weeks of losses. The failure of the anticipated failure of Bitcoin, and therefore all crypto, was met with lukewarm apathy by your family from Thanksgiving.
"It's still just funny money," said Uncle Lou, who then unironically bragged about taking out a reverse-mortgage on the home he bought in 1974.
Top analysts' warn that the trend, which they have dubbed an "inverted loss" of Bitcoin's value could continue in the long-term, and lead to a redistribution of financial power and wealth, which, according to my editor, would cause destabilization and volatility in the billionaire who owns this publication.
More updates will be available as adoption makes this opinion obsolete.
Appropriated Press, December 2025.
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